Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Movie studio turkeys - a list of crappy blockbusters 1956-1982

"The Conqueror" 1956 The behind the scenes story is more interesting than the film. Blame Howard Hughes.

"Pepe" 1960  Poopy is more like it. Watch the stellar cast look uncomfortable for over 3 hours!

"Casino Royale" 1967  a royal stuff up, even Woody Allen's antics and Burt Bacharach's music can't save this multi-million dollar dud.

"A Countess From Hong Kong" 1967 Charles Chaplin wank fest, good cast wasted, his last movie, thank God.

"Doctor Dolittle" 1967 Is there a doctor in the house, this movie has no pulse. Another way of blackmail your sprogs to be good.

"Boom" 1968 (Bomb, methinks)  Elizabeth Taylor,Richard Burton, Noel Coward, Joseph Losey directing. What could go wrong? Everything.

"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" 1968 If your kids are misbehaving, threaten to hire this, they will be angels. 145 minutes of steaming faeces

"Skidoo"  1968 Otto Preminger made this unfunny comedy one year after the lame "Hurry Sundown"

"Darling Lili"  1970  Blake Edwards directed his then-wife Julie Andrews in this overproduced mess. Glossy but sooooo long. Scriptwriter Blatty went on to write "The Exorcist" (ka-ching, he would have been set for life)
"Man of La Mancha"  1972  One of the reasons Hollywood stopped making so many musicals.

"Lost Horizon" 1973  Peter Finch sings to Liv Ullmann in Shangri-La. Hope your sphincter holds out.

"Airport 1975" 1974 Camp value only - part inspiration for "Airplane!" piss take

"Rosebud" 1975  No connection to Citizen Kane. Unwatchable Otto Preminger dross.

"Exorcist II:The Heretic" 1977, so much talent wasted in this crap sequel - John Boorman, Richard Burton, Louise Fletcher, James Earl Jones

"The Swarm" 1978 Michael Caine and killer bees - a B movie - unintentionally funny disaster flick.

"Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band" 1978 Mr Stigwood, more is less,okay?  Worst mash up since "Casino Royale" 1967. Blame all the coke available at the time.

"The Wiz"  1978  Yes, Sidney Lumet directed this. Oh dear.

"Wholly Moses!" 1980 Dudley Moore....more is less. A cast full of top comedy actors being unfunny.

"Popeye"  1980 Only worth seeing for the Sweethaven built in Malta.

"Annie"  1982  Everything you loved about this great Broadway show, you will hate in this. John Huston's worst movie. The great songs are ruined.

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