The Secret of Splitting Wood

To maximise the force of the axe hitting wood, before impact, yell out the name of your ex-boss, or one of your duplicitous work colleagues (gory visualisation optional). This pile of split wood is testament to the effectiveness of the method.
NB Split wood from the edge, not the core, if the wood is too hefty.

"Count Arthur Strong" Series 2 and 3, BBC

If it wasn't that Graham Linehan was involved, I would never have started watching Series 1. It is 'an acquired taste'.
Pros
Rory Kinnear is a wonderfully versatile actor (I saw him last as Frankenstein's creature in "Penny Dreadful"). He has his dad's comic timing (Roy Kinnear). The cafe owner, Bulent, is a trick.
There are some fun malaprops (e.g. Arthur's "racist" book in Episode 1) and linking "Carry On Cruising" with "Captain Phillips" made me smile, but not enough to sustain a half hour comedy. Perhaps Episode 2 will win me over. What is Michael writing?
Episode 2 was much stronger, cleverly structured with a particularly funny flashback involving street urchins from "Oliver", 60's mods and "The Great Escape".
Episode 3 (Arthur dabbles in local politics "We're Listening") tried to stretch 29 minutes with one joke.
The series final, Episode 7, "Fame at last", had a sweet ending but the jokes again were drawn out and predictable.
The studio audience laughing uproariously at anything vaguely funny was grating. There must have been booze laid on before the taping.
Update Series 3
I just gave the first episode of Series 3 a try and was pleasantly surprised - mad make-up, spooky ventriloquist dummies, "grandpa drinking" and Michael dancing to Soft Cell.
Episode 2 - Kevin Klein underpants, "that Brian Cox feeling" and Don Arthur Corleone made me laugh a lot. Beautifully structured episode with a great final gag.
Episode 3 sees Arthur transformed from farting murder-mystery corpse into crack detective, thanks to Martin Clunes and a double decker bus.
Episode 4 was more surreal than usual - an assault course for babies, Barry Norman's pickled onions, a WW1 soup cannon and Archimedes's bathtime urethra moment.
When was the last time someone mentioned "The Onedin Line"? Episode 5 is full of nostalgic references - Clannad, The Beatles on the rooftop, Paul Newman in "The Hustler" - topped off with a guest appearance by "John Shuttleworth" (Graham Fellows).
P.S. Never share a bed with Arthur.
In "Safari Park" (Episode 7, season finale) we have the classic fire in the car/lions outside dilemma. Ann Summers lingerie saves the day.

Melbourne's ugliest building

This concrete and blue swirl nightmare is near the corner of Flinders and Exhibition Streets in downtown Melbourne. It looks worse to the naked eye.

How a dog took over a household

Day 1
Adopted RSPCA rescue dog (Jack Russell Cross 9 weeks old). Bought dog basket, intending pup to sleep in the laundry.
Day 2
Dog basket put under kitchen table. Kitchen door closed at night. Scratching at door from 6 a.m. to be let into rest of house.
Day 150
Dog allowed on bed at night.
Day 200
Dog sleeps in bed.

Good night

Good morning

2014's top 10 TV drama series ... with some disappointments & guilty pleasures

This is one old fart's top 10:

1. Fargo
2. Happy Valley
3. The Missing (Season 1)
4. Penny Dreadful (Series 1)
5. Lilyhammer (Series 3)
6. Peaky Blinders (Season 2)
7. Babylon (Channel 4)
8. The Fall (Season 2)
9. House of Cards (Season 2)
10. Boardwalk Empire (final season/Season 5)

Honourable Mentions:

• Ray Donovan (Season 2)
• Broadchurch (Season 1, ITV)
• Orphan Black (Season 2)
• Orange is the New Black (Season 2)
• The Newsroom (Season 3, I'm getting sick of Sorkin-based Twitter hatred)
• Ripper Street (Season 3)
• Masters of Sex (Season 2)
• True Detective (Series 1)

Disappointments (all second seasons):

• In the Flesh (BBC3)
• Banshee
• Bates Motel
• The Following
• From Dusk to Dawn

Guilty Pleasures

• American Horror Story (Season 3 and 4)
• Gotham
• Marvel's Agents of Shield
• Da Vinci's Demons (Season 2)
• The Strain (Season 1)

A cheap bastard's household tips

1. After a shower, immediately squeegee excess water/soap scum from glass and tiles (it will save time cleaning the shower later, plus you dry off in the shower as you squeegee!).
2. Old toothbrushes are great at cleaning hard-to-get-at places (e.g. between taps, cooktop knobs, faucets, grouting).
3. Clean your fridge seals yearly with warm soapy water and a sponge (preventative maintenance, seals are expensive).
4. Bicarb soda is the cheapest and most effective cleaner for toilet stains (urine), bathtubs and shower recesses.
5. Use old waxy plastic bags (e.g.cereal bags like Weetbix) to store vegetables like lettuce, cabbage, cauliflower (keeps for 1-2 fresh in fridge).
6. Bicarb soda is also great for removing fridge odours.

Lilyhammer Season 3: As quirky as ever

Warm, quirky characters (Roar and the lovable Torgeir are back), black humour, crazy crims, cartoonish violence (e.g. the flare gun scene) and great locales from wintry Norway to steamy Rio - it's all there in the third season of "Lilyhammer".
It's great when shows don't go 'off the boil' after return seasons (unlike "Banshee", "Bates Motel").
The final episode, "Loose Ends", features Maureen Van Zandt, Steven (E Street Band) Van Zandt's real wife, as Frank's ex-wife and Bruce Stringsteen, as Joey the Undertaker. Don't turn off during the closing credits, either.
Season 4 must resolve poor Sigrid's bathroom predicament with her dead ex-boyfriend (Milk pervert).

My list of great train movies

I have omitted some obvious ones (like "North by North West" and "Murder on the Orient Express"). This list is purely personal.

• 1932 Von Sternberg's "Shanghai Express" 
• 1945  Deanna Durbin is terrific in "Lady on a Train"
• 1951 "Strangers on a Train" (you have to have at least one from Hitch)
• 1952 "The Narrow Margin" (the little B movie that could)
• 1963 "From Russia with Love" (just for Robert Shaw)
• 1964  Frankenheimer's superb "The Train"
• 1976 "Silver Streak" (great cast, great ending)
• 1978 "The First Great Train Robbery" (ingenious Michael Crichton period piece, helped by knockout cast and Jerry Goldsmith score)
• 2013 "Snowpiercer" (imaginative sci-fi, incredible sets)

Guilty pleasures:

• 1968 "The Wrecking Crew" (cheesy Matt Helm, saved by Sharon Tate's performance)
• 1971 "Live and Let Die" (not a great Bond, but has its moments)