Friday, 28 February 2014

The A-Z of crappy/disappointing movies

Annie (1982, millions wasted, John Huston directs a musical!)
The 'burbs (1989, great cast, Joe Dante directing, huge yawn)
Camelot (1967, looks amazing but no charm, goes on too long)
Doctor Dolittle (1967, a bad year for musicals, Fox tried to make another box office winner after "Sound of Music", bigger isn't better)
Eyes Wide Shut (1999, yes it's Kubrick, yes it's tedious, his worst, albeit final film)
Firefox (1982, great web browser, crap film, Clint Eastwood directs a dud, a rarity)
Gable and Lombard (1976, terrific idea, bungled by Universal)
Hook (1991, great cast, Spielberg turkey - overstuffed)
Interview with a Vampire (1994, looks great, but it's still a dull vampire movie - if that's possible)
Jinxed! (1982, the title says it all, Bette Midler comedy directed by Don "Dirty Harry" Siegel!!)
Kiss Me, Stupid (1964, Billy Wilder's one dud film)
The Ladykillers (2004, Coen Brothers remake of the Ealing 1955 classic - terrible reworking, poor Tom Hanks)
Murderers' Row (1965, I have a fondness for Matt Helm silliness, but this is forgettable, Ann-Margret and Karl Malden are wasted)
Neighbours (1981, Aykroyd and Belushi, the latter's last film, no redeeming features)
Octopussy (1983, I love James Bond films, but this is the pits - everything from the title tune to the lacklustre villain)
Pirates (1986, Walter Matthau and an international cast - Roman Polanski should have walked the plank)
Querelle (1982, Fassbinder's unwatchable "Art" flick, crap whether you're gay or straight)
Rosebud (1975, Otto Preminger has made a few turkeys, this looks cheap as well)
Superman 3 (Audience Nil, 1983, Richard Pryor is even more annoying than usual)
The Towering Inferno (1974, overblown twaddle, unintentionally funny, e.g. Jennifer Jones and Fred Astaire scene)
Under Capricorn (1949, even Hitchcock can make a dud)
Van Helsing (2004, I saw this on a plane and enjoyed it, I must have had lots from the drinks trolley)
When Time Ran Out (1980, when the disaster movie ideas ran out, makes "The Poseidon Adventure" look like a masterpiece.
Xanadu (1980, ON-J + ELO = CRAP)
Yellowbeard (1983, crammed with comedy greats producing unfunny dross)
Zardoz (1974, some stunning visuals, hard to fathom sci-fi from the director of "Deliverance", best bit is the explanation of the title: The Wizard of Oz).

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