How to minimise arguments with your partner - 5 tips for domestic bliss?

After living together for nearly thirty years (as well as being in the same workplace for 20 of those years) I may have gleaned a few tips....

1.  Listen more. There is that great remark about some conversations - one person isn't listening to the other, only waiting for his/her turn to speak.
2.  Count to 5, before replying during an argument (this is hard, I know, if you are as impulsive as me).
3.  Don't try to 'have the last word', it never works. Point scoring, it never works. My wife is always 3 steps ahead of me in an argument. I can't multi-task either. By losing, you win.
4.  If in doubt, keep shtum.
5.  At home, the regular five o'clock cocktail hour.

If only I could follow these 5 tips more. I'm pretty good at the last one, though!

The joys of farting

Being 57 years old, the sphincter isn't what it used to be, nevertheless farting is a liberating, pleasurable, albeit essential, experience. So here's my prattle....

Farting on an aircraft relieves stomach cramps plus it is hard to nab the culprit. In flight noise is your ally.
Farting on a lift (rapidly becoming 'elevator' worldwide) is fraught with danger unless you can execute a 'silent but deadly' one after promptly departing the car. Some arsehole did the same thing to me, he/she must have got off on <G> and we got on at <1> being surrounded by the stench, another couple got on at <2>.... so we got the blame.
When you are first in a relationship, you would never dream of 'letting Fluffy off the chain', especially not in bed with your beloved.
Ater living together for nearly 30 years, letting one rip on the couch is not uncommon and playing 'Dutch ovens' in the doona is almost de rigueur.
One draws the line at the dinner table though. One has to have standards.
There must be a direct correlation between your age and the length of your farts. Is it just me? By the time I'm seventy, I'll be tooting off "The Minute Waltz". I can almost perform a sentence now.
Let's hear it for Monsieur Joseph Pujol (Le Petomane).

Excuse my puerile post.