You can bodysurf in Far North Queensland!

Clifton Beach 24 km north of Cairns

Kewarra Beach, 20 km north of Cairns

Far North Queensland beaches usually have little or no waves (there's a big bloody Barrier Reef out there). But around June/July you get some nice waves on the Northern Beaches (Palm Cove, Clifton Beach, Kewarra Beach). No one is in the water, even though it's warm (around 26 degrees C). Why loll around a resort pool, listening to screaming kids?
Ignore the beach signs, the locals do. Stinger (e.g. Box Jellyfish) Season is roughly October to May. Stay clear of waterways near the mangroves (saltwater crocs).
It's so easy to get from Cairns to the Northern Beaches. The public Cairns bus (Translink) costs $5.50 one way. Comfortable, reliable and half-hour service during weekdays.

This sign greets you at the beach entrance (Pullman Sea Temple, Palm Cove, 26 km from Cairns)

"Harbour" by John Ajvide Lindqvist

Lindqvist's 2008 novel is part nautical ghost story, part little-girl-lost, part love story, part wtf!
Water, water everywhere. Don't mess with the sea. Like is far from idyllic on the fictional island of Domaro.
It's nutty but a great read nonetheless.  Like Stephen King (who Lindqvist has been compared to), he writes perceptively about young teens (his debut novel was "Let the Right One In"). The author is at his best when he writes about teenagers and this time there are several key back stories involving kids. I prefer his biting "Little Star" to "Harbour".
It's a bit of a mishmash. You have elements of "The Birds", "The Wicker Man", some cursed village from a 60's Hammer movie, a Swedish Houdini and sci-fi (e.g. Spiritus, the water-controlling larva who lives in a matchbox and requires a daily gob of saliva from its owner).
The three main characters (the octogenarian lovebirds, Simon and Anna-Greta and their tortured grandson, Anders) are beautifully drawn. Best bits are the stories from the island's murky past, a ripping yarn about Simon the escapologist and flashbacks to Anders' 1980's teenage years with lots of musical references (from The Smiths to Frankie goes to Hollywood).

The best bits of "Penny Dreadful" Season 2

So pleased that the second series has maintained the standard of the first. Just as beautifully produced, acted and scripted. It's witty, gory, sexy and .... bonkers, of course.

Episode 2:

• It's great to see Simon Russell Beale is back as campy Professor Lyle (love the hair), funny scene with him flirting with Ethan (Josh Hartnett). 
• Any scene with Evelyn (Helen McCrory, Damian Lewis's partner, by the by) classifies as a "best bit". Nasty baby sacrifice scene (those creepy mannequins).
• Dorian Gray's (Reeve Carney) encounter with the (well-endowed) ladyboy (my wife nearly dropped her cuppa).
• Victor Frankenstein (Harry Treadaway) scenes with newly reanimated Brona (Billie Piper) and The Creature - tender, caring, perceptive (very different from Universal's version in the 30's and 40's).

Episode 3:

The entire episode. The back story of Vanessa on the moors was flawless. Three superb actors chewing up the scenery - the cursed Vanessa (Eva Green), the good witch, Joan Clayton (Patti LuPone - who coincidentally guest starred in another witch opus - "American Horror Story: Coven") and bad witch (Helen McCrory - culling cattle, flouncing around in shoulder pads and showing the lord of the manor who's boss).

Episode 4:

• The opulent art direction - street carousels, the Gossima Parlour, the coven's skulls-encrusted walls.
• Frankenstein's "bride" is resembling "Pygmalion". Liked the good doctor's "I'm good at stitching" line
• The slow build-up to the attack of the nightcomers - the careful preparation of supper, cutting the butter cake, filling the urn.

Episode 5:

• The tender scenes with Vanessa and The Creature reciting poetry and dancing.
• The last 10 minutes was a bonk-fest, with something for everyone - gay gorn, grey porn (Sir Malcolm/Timothy Dalton), even Dr Frankenstein gets his leg over. Poor Prof Lyle misses out.

Episode 6:

• The ballroom blood-shower scene (shades of "Carrie"). Stunning.
• Special mention to the use of extras in the London street scenes. Season 2's budget must be considerably more than the first season.

Episode 7:

• Vanessa telling Ethan in her deliciously croaky voice, "We are dangerous".

Episode 8:

• Evelyn's line to the professor: "You taste like a fat, little man".
• We finally get to see Dorian Gray's hidden picture, not as scary as the 1945 movie version, though.
• The "Bride"/Brona's ball-busting "thee and me" monologue to the hapless Creature.

Episode 9:

• There's a nifty fight scene in Vanessa's rural retreat about 5 minutes in.
• Brona goes all Mike Tyson with Dorian in the ballroom.

Epiode 10 (season final)

• The prof's line, "Never underestimate the power of a queen with lovely hair, dear."
• Blood-soaked ballroon in Chez Gray, #2. The white gown/suits design was a masterstroke. "Shall we murder him?" crows Brona.
• The nautical farewell to three characters. The Creature's Arctic voyage true to Shelley's novel.
• Did the police inspector refer to Ethan as "Mr Talbot" (or am I too immersed in Universal's "The Wolfman"?)

The best street in Kuta-Legian?

Jalan Lebak Bene leading into Jalan Bene Sari (between Jalan Melasti and Poppies Lane 2) is full of cheap and cheerful bars, warungs, cafes, massage salons (starting at 45000 rupiah for full body 1 hour) and accommodation. It's narrow and full of colourful street art.

Recommended cheap eateries for Balinese food and cheap beer:

• Warung Kampung (new kid on the block)  Off Jalan Melasti. Down first lane after Pullman Hotel (Gang Intan) well signposted. Limited but delicious Indonesian menu. Eat like a king. 4 dishes for under $10 Australia (including 15% tip) e.g. Nasi Goreng $A 1.80
• Legian Snacks (Jalan Padma Utara, behind Padma Resort)
• Gong Corner (near Kuta Town Houses) Best Gado Gado in town 12000 rupiah, goes down well with large Bali Hai beer 28000, Big American breakfast 30000 rupiah (A$3)

Best value massage: 

Green Beauty Salon, full body massage 1 hour 60 000 IDR - "Mardi" (she's the best masseuse, in my opinion) can be flexible with the price if business is slow. 

Location: off Jalan Lebak Bene (10 metres down Senen Lane, No 3). Nearest hotels: Pullman, Hotel Puri Tanah Lot, Senen Beach Inn.

Tip: Want the best (budget, not 5 star hotel) Balinese massage? Get an older woman or a guy - stronger and more proficient). At around 55 000 IDR an hour, this is too good to be true.

Does Bali have the best body surfing? How long can you travel? And a word about Bali dogs...

I have body surfed (over a 35 year period) the east and west coast of Australia, Mexico, South Africa but the waves in Kuta Beach, Bali, take some beating. Why else have tourists been flocking there since the 60's?

Legian Beach

On a good day you can travel 50 metres on a wave (sometimes one wave piggy-backs another for extra distance). You body surf until you:
(a) eat sand because you have reached the shallows;
(b) run out of breath;
(c) both.

Go where the surf schools go. These little waves are great for beginners and have maximum distance. Just watch you don't get too close when you body surf.
Legian is also good. I am writing this mid April, the end of the wet season. Seminyak body surfing okay but I can't go as far.

Tips (these might be obvious)

• Wait until the wave is about to break.
• Launch yourself by swimming strongly (freestyle) in front of the wave.
• Streamline your body (hands one on top of the other, fingers together, feet overlapping together, tuck your head under your arms, suck your gut in if you have a bit of 'middle age spread').
• Keep your head DOWN.
• I don't use fins, that's cheatin'
• Wear trunk style bathers, a zip is good for room key, etc. Speedos, second preference. Board shorts take too long to dry and can slow you down in the water.

A word about beach dogs
It is amazing the number of dogs on Bali beaches.  I didn't see so many last year. Legian has packs of stray dogs roaming from dawn 'til dusk. There are also a great dogs with owners (locals and ex pats), walking, playing with balls and paddling in the surf. Labradors are popular. 

The cheap bastard's guide to cycling. Cycling on the cheap

Unlike the MAMILS (middle age men in lycra) who fly past me, I cycle on a shoestring.

• Bike $50 (garage sale)
• Backpack (freebie)
• Helmet ($20)
• Media player/e-reader ($19 at K-Mart). Stored in old pencil case, elegantly worn around my neck. I might look like a dick, but it's convenient.
• Lights, front and rear ($8 K-Mart)
• Clothing  Summer: shorts and tee shirt/ Winter: trackie dacks, in case of rain: plastic poncho (freebie from long past Teachers' Union Stop Work rally)

Things I liked about "Bates Motel" Season 3

• Norma's mugging of the camera - extended reaction times/frozen expressions (usually after one of Norman's revelations/confessions).
• Norman's facial expressions are getting creepier (Highmore is metamorphosing into Tony Perkins episode by episode).
• It ALWAYS rains in White Pine Bay - adds to its gothic charm 
• The nutty/evil hippy/psycho (Dylan's dad's neighbour in Episode 2)
• It's much better (and funnier) than Season 2 (e.g. the wifi password at the motel is MOTHER)
• The moody Bernard Herrmann-inspired musical score (particularly effective during Norman's interview with the sheriff in Episode 3).
• Emma in her VW/ganja-mobile to the strains of The Specials' "A Message to you, Rudy".
• Norman in another creepy bathroom scene (towards the end of Episode 3).
• The family dynamics are deeper in this season (e.g. Norman's resentment/jealousy of Dylan in Episode 4).
• The script writers have beefed up Olivia Cooke's character, Emma. She  is sexier and gutsier in Season 3. It's funny that both Cooke and Highmore are English.
• Episode 5 was the strongest ep since early in Season 1. Norman sniffing mom's dress, Norma's rant about White Pine Bay about 2/3 into the episode. More please.
• Norman being mom making French toast for Dylan in Episode 6 (the best eps so far seem to be written by series co-creator, Kerry Ehrin)
• A tender scene with Dylan and Emma: "Sorry I got phlegm on the floor."
• Episode 7: Norman's chat with the psychologist in the basement. Probably not a great idea to conclude the session by strangling the therapist.
• The way Norman (Freddie Highmore) breathes heavier as he gets more unhinged.
• The view from Dylan's shack, across the water to mist-shrouded mountains - reminiscent of New Zealand's "Top of the Lake".
• The season finale was disappointing except for the inspired final few minutes: Bradley's murder, "Mother, what have you done!", the slowly submerging car (a nod to "Psycho" where Norman pushes Marion Crane's car into the swamp).

"Bates Motel" Season 3, Episode 1, "A death in the family", review

After the disappointing, all-over-the-shop second season, I vowed not to watch another season of "Bates Motel". The producers (also wrote the first episode of Season 3) have stated they wanted more focus on "Psycho" and less on the town's business this time around.
I was pleasantly surprised, although Dylan is still a sad sack (perhaps because it never stops raining in Oregon, well, British Columbia actually).
Highlights:
Norma's weird reaction to hearing of her mum's death; a Stephen King-like cafeteria scene; Norman's first shower scene and the intriguing final scene with Norman nonchalantly getting out of the escort's Porsche.
The two leads make this show a cut above the usual cable-fodder. Highmore's creepy, quizzical smile is worth 43 minutes of your time.
I think the producers may have given the show a much needed shot in the arm.