The easiest way to tour Uluwatu Temple - Hiring a private driver

1. Go early. By 10 a.m. the tour buses are starting to arrive. If you like crowds wait for kecak dance/sunset hordes.
2. Drivers wait outside big hotels in Kuta and Nusa Dua. Bargain for a good price. We wanted three hours (100,000 rupiah per hour seemed fair - roughly one hour each way to get there and one hour to walk the cliffs and forest trails. The driver was happy with 300,000 rupiah. He waited in the car park until we returned. The van was comfortable and air conditioned.
3. Travel time (Nusa Dua - Uluwatu) varies from 35-55 minutes depending on route taken and traffic.
4. Clothing - even though the actual temple is out of bounds - you are provided with sarong and sash with your 30, 000 admission fee.
5. Watch the monkeys. Keep your distance. They have been known to grab food, sunglasses, hats, shiny jewellery.
6. A guide is unnecessary.

Five things I hate about Bali...

1. Dodgy street currency exchange. If the rate looks too good to be true... it is. Go to reputable money changers (e.g. PT Central Kuta, BMC) but avoid hotel exchange rates.

2. Plastics in the surf - disposable diapers are the worst

3. The taxi mafia/taxi counter prices at Ngurah Rai Airport
 Head outside the gates (5 minute walk) and grab a metered taxi (e.g. Blue Bird Group) or (if you are feeling cheeky and only have hand luggage), take the lift up to the Arrivals level and grab a taxi that's just dropped someone off.

4. The proliferation of tattoo parlours.
New trend - tattoo removal shops in Kuta/Legian.

5. Roadside rubbish dumping.
If there's a slope, chances are there's a mountain of trash down there.

5 reasons Bali is still a great destination

Legian sunset

Since the 1970's tourists have been flocking to the Indonesian island of Bali. Why do they return? Is Bali past its use-by-date? Here's why they keep on coming (a personal view):

• Ngurah Rai International Airport has finally got its act together. Passport control is a breeze. There is even an "Over 60 years booth". No Visa on Arrival (e.g. for Australian tourists) hassles.
• The morning swim/body surf at Legian Beach (before 7 a.m.). No surf schools, no glare, no hassle, just beach dogs, fishing boats on the horizon, great surf and misty Mount Agung to the north.
• Food. Cap cay or Gado-gado (around $A2 each) at the closest warung. Never quite the same, always delicious.
• Range of accommodation options (from $20 - $2000 a night)
• The people. Still friendly, great customer service with a cheeky sense of humour.

Swimmer's ear in Bali

I always end up with "swimmer's ear", in the surf and in swimming pools.
Prevention: ear plugs (Blu-tak works if you don't have the expensive gel ones)

Treatment:

• 2 drops of vodka in the affected ear, every few hours
• 2 Panadols every 4 hours
• Ear drops, if Vodka doesn't work.  After 24 hours of treatment, all good.  Price 55 000 rupiah (50 000 rupiah on Jalan Legian, near Jalan Melasti)  A bargain.
  

Nusa Dua or Nusa Don't?

Public land adjoining 5 star hotels tends to be used as rubbish dumps. This is particularly noticeable in neighbouring Tanjung Benoa.

View from the beachfront walkway that links Tanjung Benoa to Nusa Dua

Conrad Hotel - front view

Conrad Hotel - side view

Bali tourist spots in 30 words

Tuban - airport, bogans, no accessible surf
Kuta/Legian - bogans, surf
Seminyak -  sunset beach bars, villas, funky shops, dodgy surf
Tanjung Benoa - water sports, petrol fumes
Nusa Dua - sunrises, resorts, weddings

Tanjung Benoa

Nusa Dua

Bali bodysurfing: Legian vs Seminyak

Legian - near Pullman Hotel

Legian has more consistent surf and fewer red flags. Seminyak seems to be prone to more rips and dangerous currents. Red flags (swimming prohibited) are seen on a daily basis - not that anybody takes any notice of them. Whenever you see surf schools in Legian, you will find medium waves suitable for body surfing with the chance of a long run to the shore.
These comments relate to the April - May period.

Seminyak - Royal Beach Hotel

Is Jetstar Business Class worth the money?

This post covers Jetstar flights on Dreamliner 787, ex Melbourne, Australia. Flights to Denpasar, Singapore, Bangkok, Osaka (Business Class ex Cairns) and Tokyo (Business Class ex Gold Coast).

Pros 

• Cost - Jetstar frequently have International Business sales (e.g. one way MEL-DPS, MEL-SIN, MELB-Bangkok for around $499). This compares favourably to 'cattle-class' for around $199.
• Small business cabin (3 rows of 7 seats) means speedy service from crew and better ratio toilet to passenger (1:21) than Qantas Dreamliner.
• Usual perks - priority boarding, express card for immigration (in Australia), handy amenity pack with skin care products, socks, toothpaste, etc.
• Surprisingly tasty and varied meals (see below). Plunger coffee with cabin attendant circulating with giant selection box of premium chocolates (weird?).
• Help yourself to snacks in the forward galley.
• Copious bottles of water.
• Champagne (Piper-Heidsieck or Henri Laurent) served in tumblers rather than flutes throughout flight - but, hey I ain't complaining - or choice of wines, beers and spirits.
• Baggage (checked) 30 kg included and generous carry-on. When travelling in Asia for 1-2 weeks, we prefer to just use carry-on only, avoiding that dreaded wait at the carousel.
• Seating perfect for medium haul/day flights. No need for lie-flat beds.
• It's "old school" business class seating, so you can chat with your partner over lunch, unlike some newer seating configurations that box you in for privacy.
• Less kids
• Champagne/water/juice served before take-off.

Cons

• "Business-lite" and more like Premium Economy on some airlines.
• Row 1 has the most legroom but you have to use in-flight entertainment stored in armrest.
• Limited but adequate range of IFE, if you don't mind U.S. television series rather than U.K.
• Avoid middle seats unless you are want to travel as a trio. Hard to exit middle seat, limited wriggle-room.
• No guarantee your baggage will come out first.

Starters for Lunch menu

Salmon steak with salsa (tastes better than it looks)

Choice of cheese platter or dessert (or both if you are lucky)

Starters on Melb-Singapore (Lunch)

When tourism helps the environment - Keep Bali Clean

Nusa Dua Beach, Bali, Indonesia

Every morning workers from beachfront hotels, restaurants and bars rake and collect rubbish (predominantly plastic bottles, wrappers) dropped or swept ashore. The beaches of Kuta and Legian are noticeably cleaner than this time last year. The Keep Bali Clean initiative (started in 2014) seems to be definitely working.

Laneways and main streets have organised stacks of refuse, ready for collection. Less dog droppings also this year.

Low impact exercise for 50+ year olds, body surfing & water aerobics

Surf at Legian Beach, Bali

Each morning I see red-faced seniors jogging along the beach. I prefer to kill two birds with one stone - body surf as well as water aerobics. 

After catching each wave or waiting for a good one, you are moving through the surging water (see video) around 50 - 100 metres between waves. Catch 20 waves that's 1-2 km of low impact exercise. Cup your hands to increase resistance through the water. Great to tone up your arm and leg muscles. My dicky knee feels a whole lot better with this treatment. 

The best street in Kuta-Legian?

Jalan Lebak Bene leading into Jalan Bene Sari (between Jalan Melasti and Poppies Lane 2) is full of cheap and cheerful bars, warungs, cafes, massage salons (starting at 45000 rupiah for full body 1 hour) and accommodation. It's narrow and full of colourful street art.

Recommended cheap eateries for Balinese food and cheap beer:

• Warung Kampung (new kid on the block)  Off Jalan Melasti. Down first lane after Pullman Hotel (Gang Intan) well signposted. Limited but delicious Indonesian menu. Eat like a king. 4 dishes for under $10 Australia (including 15% tip) e.g. Nasi Goreng $A 1.80
• Legian Snacks (Jalan Padma Utara, behind Padma Resort)
• Gong Corner (near Kuta Town Houses) Best Gado Gado in town 12000 rupiah, goes down well with large Bali Hai beer 28000, Big American breakfast 30000 rupiah (A$3)

Best value massage: 

Green Beauty Salon, full body massage 1 hour 60 000 IDR - "Mardi" (she's the best masseuse, in my opinion) can be flexible with the price if business is slow. 

Location: off Jalan Lebak Bene (10 metres down Senen Lane, No 3). Nearest hotels: Pullman, Hotel Puri Tanah Lot, Senen Beach Inn.

Tip: Want the best (budget, not 5 star hotel) Balinese massage? Get an older woman or a guy - stronger and more proficient). At around 55 000 IDR an hour, this is too good to be true.

Does Bali have the best body surfing? How long can you travel? And a word about Bali dogs...

I have body surfed (over a 35 year period) the east and west coast of Australia, Mexico, South Africa but the waves in Kuta Beach, Bali, take some beating. Why else have tourists been flocking there since the 60's?

Legian Beach

On a good day you can travel 50 metres on a wave (sometimes one wave piggy-backs another for extra distance). You body surf until you:
(a) eat sand because you have reached the shallows;
(b) run out of breath;
(c) both.

Go where the surf schools go. These little waves are great for beginners and have maximum distance. Just watch you don't get too close when you body surf.
Legian is also good. I am writing this mid April, the end of the wet season. Seminyak body surfing okay but I can't go as far.

Tips (these might be obvious)

• Wait until the wave is about to break.
• Launch yourself by swimming strongly (freestyle) in front of the wave.
• Streamline your body (hands one on top of the other, fingers together, feet overlapping together, tuck your head under your arms, suck your gut in if you have a bit of 'middle age spread').
• Keep your head DOWN.
• I don't use fins, that's cheatin'
• Wear trunk style bathers, a zip is good for room key, etc. Speedos, second preference. Board shorts take too long to dry and can slow you down in the water.

A word about beach dogs
It is amazing the number of dogs on Bali beaches.  I didn't see so many last year. Legian has packs of stray dogs roaming from dawn 'til dusk. There are also a great dogs with owners (locals and ex pats), walking, playing with balls and paddling in the surf. Labradors are popular. 

The best (full body) $5 massage in Legian, Bali?

Anggita Spa (Jalan Lebak Bene, off Jalan Melasti) is a little gem. Very daggy, but cool inside and a massage table that fitted my head and was long enough for my legs. I had a young bloke ("Ian") and my wife had "Retha". Ian started off by walking across my back, necks and legs - think tenderising meat. Jokes aside, he was an excellent masseur. A perfect blend of strong and relaxing. For an hour - finishing off with a killer neck and back massage. A bargain at 50 000 rupiah (about $5 Australian). A superb massage.

Update
The salon above is now a tattoo parlour. As if there isn't enough. As Australians continue to gain weight, I suppose there's larger "canvases"to work with.

New favourite for 2016:

Green Beauty Salon. One block down Jalan Lebak Bene, Gg. Senen No 3, off Jalan Melasti. Even better. Same price. Ignore brochure price. One hour. My wife assures me the older Balinese masseur was the best.


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Bali Bogan Checklist ... Spot the Aussie

• Stay in Tuban/Kuta (Legian if you are upwardly mobile)
• Wear Bintang tank tops, Rhonda/Ketut tees have gone out of fashion, I was hanging out for some Schappelle Corby t-shirt banter, but no takers.
• Wear peaked cap (with knockoff Designer sunglasses on top- indoors as well)
• Over weight
• Hair braids (including beards)
• Walk around streets sucking on a large Bintang after breakfast (or in lieu of)
• With kids (called Cooper, Maddison or Jayden - out of school holiday period) and grandparents (as baby sitters)
• Last but not least, this is the clincher, tattoos - everywhere - arms, legs, backs, chests. All ages 18 years to old-enough-to-know better. I've seen old farts in their 70's get inked here. The nursing homes are going to be full of wrinkled bodies with dragons.

I suppose it is much cheaper in Bali to get tatts. Back in Australia it could cost thousands. With the cost of budget airfares (e.g. $400-$500 return) you come out a head (a dickhead).

I drank Bali tap water and survived...

I refilled a 600 ml mineral bottle with tap water (to test the seal - it's a long story that involves transporting duty free vodka on a domestic flight). Anyway we took the wrong bottle to the pool and drank about half before we realised. Tasted okay, looked clear.

It's been 24 hours and no after effects. I wouldn't make a habit out of it, though. We have travelled in Asia, Africa, South America for 30 years and have always boiled tap water for coffee/tea or making ice cubes (when desperate). Good quality hotels use purified water for their ice. Bottled water is cheap, anyway. 

Kuta, Bali Swimming and Body surfing... with the beach to yourself

It's near the end of March (before the Australian Easter holidays and Nyepi Day - March 31), so it's fairly quiet in Kuta. This morning around 7:00 a.m. I had the beach to myself (apart from four frisky dogs).

I'm talking about the strip of Kuta Beach from Hard Rock Hotel to the BeachWalk Mall/Sheraton Hotel.
If you swim in the middle of the day, the tide is in and the waves break too close to the shore - in other words, crap for body surfing.
The beach is quite clean, apart from the occasional plastic bag/sweet wrapper brushing past your legs. The beach graders and cleaners work on the sand early each morning.
If it rains, which it will in March (it's the end of the Wet Season), the beach is nigh on deserted in the middle of the day. No hassling, no sunburn, no glare off the water, no surf schools getting in your way. Very relaxing.
After 16:00 hr is a good time (as the tide is out).
Legian Beach (1km further north) is cleaner. Surf seems to be better in the afternoon, too. Doesn't break as close to the shore.

Tip: To avoid 'swimmer's ear' (earache), wear earplugs. Good old Blu Tack works just as well. If you do get swimmer's ear, you can buy strong eardrops/antibiotics at a local pharmacy (Apotik 15, near Kuta Square). I had acute earache, throbbing, couldn't chew without pain. After 24 hours of treatment, all good.  Price 55 000 rupiah (50 000 rupiah on Jalan Legian, near Jalan Melasti)  A bargain.

Snorkelling on the cheap in Nusa Dua, Bali, Indonesia

In the past I have thought Nusa Dua was overrated, soulless and bursting with same-same 5 star resorts. And some people like that stuff. A big surprise however was the not bad solo snorkelling opportunities from your resort.
I stayed at the Sofitel (near Nusa Dua Beach Hotel). Here are my tips:

• Snorkel and mask, of course. I use sunblock and wear a t-shirt.
• Bring reef shoes for wading out past the breakers (when low tide) or flippers (high tide)
• Aim to snorkel at high tide (usually middle of the day - check tide times online) to avoid trampling out for 100-200 metres at low tide. Sea urchins can spoil your holiday.
• Getting back to shallow water is easy, just catch a wave (body surf).
• Observe where glass bottom boats are anchored (for the best coral and fish). Usually only one or two craft, never crowded.

Random Bali Travel Tips - taxis, body surfing, visas and being a cheap bastard

• Sit as close to the front of the plane as possible. This means you are first off, avoiding long queues at the Visa On Arrival counter. Having US$25 (per person) on you will make life easier too.
• If staying in Kuta, cheapest place for drinking water and tonic water (for the all important Duty Free vodka/gin and tonics watching the sunset) is Matahari Supermarket - Kuta Square.
• Use metered taxis for the trip to the airport.
• Every time I go to Bali I get a swimmer's ear (ear ache), whether it's in the surf or hotel pool. Pack a wad of Blu-tack and use as ear plugs. Works a treat. I have lost proper ear plugs in the rough surf.
• Wear reef shoes when in the surf, water can get murky and there can be surprises (e.g. broken glass, old nappies/diapers from the beach). Don't be put off, the waves are worth it! Great for body surfing. 
• Kuta/Legian, best time for body surfing is before the flags go up (often red) and the surfers and surfing schools arrive. Before 8:00 a.m. Before 7:00 ideally, only the locals are on the beach. Classic views of volcanoes to the north, before smoke from local burn offs/cloud arrives.
• Don't pay hotel prices for Balinese Massage. One hour, full body in air conditioned comfort in numerous salons along Poppies Lane 1 or Poppies Lane 2 around 50, 000 rupiah ($5 Australian). Set price. Keep underwear on, don't expect 'a happy ending'. The girls ask you whether you want hard or soft massage. It's much better than beach massages where you have to negotiate a price, put up with sand in the oil, the heat and miscellaneous visiting vendors flogging beer, tee shirts or hair braiding.

The OTHER Kuta, Kuta Beach, Lombok, Indonesia

Novotel private pool villa, beachfront, quite reasonable price

Australians love Kuta (Bali). Kuta = hair braiding, tattoos on old Australians, Bintang tank tops, more tatts, "Kiss me Ketut" and "I f*ucked Rhonda" tee-shirts and more tatts on old leathery skin.

There is another Kuta, in Lombok (a 20 minute plane ride away, then 20 mins by taxi from the new Praya Airport, South Lombok). It is a good alternative to Senggigi Beach in the north. Clear skies, nice snorkelling, spectacular rocky outcrops and distant surf.
Middle class Russians have discovered Bali and Lombok. As have the Javanese from Jakarta.
Only a handful of Australians at the Novotel Lombok. Oh..... and no tatts.