"Vicious" ITV Episode 3 review Please Sirs!

Pl-lease Sirs! (apologies to the wonderful Esmonde/Larbey TV series)
I gave this stinker another go. I need not have bothered. The running jokes aren't worth running with - the geriatric pussy, slagging off Violet, the vain, hammy actor. Did Jacobi and McKellen sack their agents after viewing this debacle? Juvenile dialogue like "is that dog shit I smell or just you?" could have been written for a junior high school skit. The "Downton Abbey" bit part involving potatoes caused a smile, but that's it. A lame resolution to the episode too.
Only rarely do you see a glint in Sir Ian McKellen's eye or a bit of business from Sir Derk Jacobi - a glimmer of what might have been. This series features one dimensional characters and tired situations. I won't bother with it again.
"Quel dommage" as Mr Clary would say.

P.S. The opening title music "Never Can Say Goodbye" is the Jimmy Somerville/The Communards version (I remember Jimmy from Bronski Beat). The music is probably the highlight of this meagre show.

My suggestions for sat nav voice instructions

• Christopher Walken
• Carol Channing 
• Robert De Niro (as Travis Bickell, "You talkion' ta me?")
• Sarah Millican ("Turn left, flower")
• Dylan Moran (see Black Books)
• Joan Rivers
• Jack Dee
• Barry White
• Barry Humpries (as Dame Edna Everage)
• Paul O'Grady as (Lily Savage)
• Paul Keating ("Next left, scumbag")
• Kenneth Williams (I know this is impossible)
• Julian Clary
• Elmer Fudd ("I said Wight, Wabbit!")
• R.A.F. pilots or Neanderthals from The Armstrong Miller Show
• Father Jack (from the sublime Father Ted)
• NOT Jeremy Clarkson
• NOT Marlon Brando (mumble, mumble)
• NOT Tony Abbott (He'd always tell you to turn RIGHT, and you can't trust a word he says)

Any suggestions?