Guilty pleasures movies from United Artists (apart from James Bond)

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I am starting at 1960 (I was 4 years old, old enough to remember a movie, I reckon).

1960  The Magnificent Seven (itself, a ripoff of Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai) which sporned A Bug's Life and The Three Amigos
1961  One, Two, Three (Billy Wilder, James Cagney - enough said)
1962  The Road to Hong Kong (last road movie, dated but still fun, great final gag)
1963  Call Me Bwana (nice link with From Russia With Love - sniper in Istanbul scene) Cool score, hammy Hope
1964  Kiss Me Stupid (Billy Wilder again); Woman of Straw (classy production, Basil Dearden directed, Connery was really busy in 1964 - this plus Marnie and two Bond movies)
1965  The Satan Bug (killer virus rolling around in a helicopter over L.A.; What's New Pussycat (Woody Allen, Peter O'Toole plus 60's cool)
1966  A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Richard Lester jazzes up Sondheim musical, great cast)
1967  Billion Dollar Brain (Ken Russell doing a Harry Palmer movie! He killed the franchise, but this is my favourite. Glorious Richard Rodney Bennett score); In the Heat of the Night (stands up very well today, Poitier + Steiger, steamy small town atmosphere, sublime blues score.

1968  The Night They Raided Minsky's (Jason Robards paired with Norman Wisdom? Bert Lahr died during the filming
1969  Alice's Restaurant Late 60's time capsule, Arthur Penn had previously directed Bonnie & Clyde, cult movie with a capital C.
1970  The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (Billy Wilder, Scottish scenery, Queen Victoria and Irene Handl as Mrs Hudson, Christopher Lee as Mycroft Holmes - what more do you want?)
1971  Mrs Polifax - Spy (just for the cast: Rosalind Russell, Darren McGavin); The Hospital (Paddy Chayevsky script, George C. Scott, Diana Rigg, very black comedy
1972 Hickey and Boggs (reuniting I Spy duo, Bill Cosby and Robert Culp)
1973 Theatre of Blood (enormous fun with Vincent Price topping theatre critics, gruesome Shakespeare-themed murders)
1974  Juggernaut (Richard Lester's nifty British thriller on board luxury liner riddled with bombs)
1975  Rollerball
1976  Network (knockout script, Faye Dunaway has never been better; Carrie (great Stephen King adaptation thanks to De Palma)
1977  Annie Hall ("...la de dah!")
1978  Invasion of the Body Snatchers (love the ending, it's rude to point)
1979  The (First) Great Train Robbery (Victorian era caper movie, Connery, Sutherland, rousing Jerry Goldsmith score - recommended)
1980  The Final Countdown (nothing to do with the crap Europe song)
1981  nil
1982  The Secret of Nimh (the book is MUCH better)
1983  War Games (teenage Matthew Broderick battles a super computer, "Shall we play....?)
1984  To Live and Die in L.A. (French Connection director, flashy but empty, but I like the title)

Ian Fleming's James Bond novels - my 'awards'

The novels that most resembles the Bond movie: Dr No (1958), From Russia with Love (1957), Goldfinger (1959)
Weirdest novel: You Only Live Twice (1964) A depressed Bond wandering around nutbag Blofeld's (Dr Shatterhand) Japanese Garden of Death.
Most consistent read: On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1963)
Biggest return to form: The Man with the Golden Gun (published a year after Fleming's death, 1965)
Biggest disappointment: The Spy Who Loved Me (1962, told from heroine's viewpoint, mainly set in a upstate New York motel)
Biggest surprise: Live and Let Die (1954), Fleming's second Bond book is one of his best, shame about the film.
Culinary advice: melon wrapped with prosciutto featured in Thunderball (1961)
Most informative (gambling tips): Casino Royale (1953), Diamonds are Forever (1956)
Most outrageous scene in a Bond novel: Dr No - Bond ordeal in Crab Key, culminating in a fight with a giant squid.
Best book where Bond doesn't globe trot:  Moonraker (1955)- encounters Hugo Drax's rocket base in Kent!
Best short story: Octopussy (bears no resemblance to the embarrassing film).


Biggest regret: Giving my entire Fleming collection to the Salvos when we moved house decades ago. At least I have the e-books now.

The crappiest James Bond moments

In the interest of 'equal time', I am now going to slag off my favourite movie franchise.....

• the last few minutes of Goldfinger (Did they run out of money? The tropical island looks like they are in the local botanical gardens. You can see the wires on Goldfinger's plummetting Gulfstream jet.)
• Bond slapping his female colleague, Dink, on the bottom with the comment, "Run along, Dink... Man talk!"
• Roger Moore looking tired in A View to a Kill
• protracted underwater scenes in Thunderball
• in You Only Live Twice some of the space scenes look like an episode of Thunderbirds (thank God for John Barry's score)
• when Blofeld's white pussy goes apeshit (clawing desperately at Donald Pleasance) because of the explosions sounding off on the Pinewood set (volcano/rocket base), You Only Live Twice
• Bond and Tracey prancing around like some demented shampoo commercial to the strains of Louis Armstrong's "We Have All the Time in the World" in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
• all of Octopussy

I am sure you have others.

Where the f**k is Niue?

This is my first travel blog (trog?). In 2010 my family spent a week on this incredible island. Niue is 2400 km northeast of New Zealand. Population about 1300. Air New Zealand have weekly flights from Auckland. Go there if you like:

• Whale watching (middle of the year)
• Swimming with dolphins without the crowds
• Snorkelling
• Cycling (you can cycle around the island in half a day with stops)
• Hiking through weird coral chasms
• Swimming in vast, subterranean water holes
• Fresh fish (listen for the icecream van chimes outside your door - fantastic tuna)
• Having a G&T at sunset after a day doing NOTHING.

Processed food is expensive but you can bring any foodstuff with you - no customs check. The locals bring KFC back when they visit relatives in Auckland.
Niue uses NZ currency. Fast internet. Buy your duty free booze in town (it's like a warehouse with a front counter).
We recommend staying at Namukulu Cottages and Spa, run by Canadians, Brian and Teresa. Our daughter loved their two boxer dogs. Great pool, comfy units, killer sunset view.

Photos don't do the place justice but here are two: coastline and coral chasms - very "Lost World" and  swimming in crystal clear pools in a cavern straight out of a Bond villain's secret lair.