How to get max page views on your blog (I jest)

I reviewed the "Da Vinci's Demons" episode, the one with the well-endowed chap in the Renaissance-styled sauna. Should have seen the page views, top stats for the month.  I didn't insert an image or video clip (paranoid about copyright infringements). Anyway, big dongers are a hit.
It seems the posts you spend a lot of time on often have the least page views. I should tag "dicks" more often. Perhaps I'll try boobs and bums next.

"Da Vinci's Demons" Series 1, Episode 6, "The Devil" review

Well, they pulled all the stops out tonight! Turkish baths/saunas, big dicks, gladiators, pissed off Popes, Vlad the Impaler (the third?), bone chandeliers and a game of Kerplunk with an Abyssinian dude in the middle. But it all made sense in the end - Leo's quest for the Book Of Leaves' secret. A shame to see my favourite villain, Riario (Blake Ritson), get thumped by the Pope. Hope he bears a grudge.
Looking forward to next week. Perhaps with less full frontal male nudity. Made me feel rather inferior.

On second thoughts, the dude with the anaconda-like schlong in the sauna ("like a baby's arm" once intoned Austin Powers - perhaps it was his dad, Nigel Powers)....well it was probably a prosthetic (like Mark Wahlberg had in the final scene of "Boogie Nights"). The well-endowed Da Vinci character had to hold on to it while he ran, so as not to injure himself or anyone else. This has gone far enough, end of post.